MOBA Art Too Bad To Be Ignored
 
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The Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA) Newsletter, Issue #59
November 16, 1998


HEADING TO THE GUTTER

The staff at MOBA's World Headquarters has been working around the clock this pass week in feverish preparation for the upcoming exhibition: Art in the Gutter An Evening Of Bad Art and Bowling.

Though the hours have been long, and the work has been grueling, enthusiasm among the MOBA staff is running at an all time high in anticipation of this ground breaking effort at cultural cross pollination. Likewise, the staff at Ron's Gourmet Bowling and Ice Cream in Hyde Park MA have been polishing their balls, disinfecting their shoes, and sharpening those little score-keeping pencils in preparation for next Sunday's bad art exhibition.

The exhibition will feature:

10 bowling lanes lined with the most popular (and largest) treasures of the MOBA Permanent Collection -- including, by popular demand, "Lucy in the Field With Flowers", "Sunday on the Pot With George", "Pauline Resting" and dozens of others.

Unveiling of a large, truly breathtaking selection of recent acquisitions.

Special appearances by MOBA artists.

An opportunity to win an "officially rejected by MOBA" art work by testing your bowling skills against MOBA's Esteemed Curator in the "Curator's Challenge".

Special appearance by the entire official MOBA bowling team -- "Men on Bowling Alleys" "Art in the Gutter" will run from 7:30 -- 9:30 on Sunday evening, Dec. 22 at Ron's Gourmet Bowling and Ice Cream, 1231 Hyde Park Avenue, Cleary Square, Hyde Park MA.

Admission to the event is free (as always), but bowling, ice cream and outlandish donations to the Salvation Army cost money -- and are certainly encouraged.

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CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS

The Museum would like to extend an invitation to Friends Of MOBA in the Boston area (and to those from around the world who can arrange the airfares) to assist in hanging the show on Sunday morning, Dec. 22 from 8-10am. We will also need a few volunteers on Sunday evening for the event itself. Please contact via email (JerReilly@aol.com) or telephone (617) 325-8224.

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CRASS COMMERCIAL EXPLOITATION (continued)

As reported in the last issue of The MOBA News, the museum has been rocked to its very foundation by a very public and very humiliating financial scandal. Mr. Wilson, MOBA's Esteemed Curator, has appeared in recent days as the shill man for Cellular One on their advertisements on Boston radio. Mr. Wilson joins the long list of other luminaries that sold out all their principles in exchange for a quick pile of cash -- Ed McMahon, Dionne Warwick, Benedict Arnold, Judas Iscariot.

Upon hearing the advertisement, Jerry Reilly, MOBA's Executive Director, was devastated. "I've known for years that Mr. Wilson was a ruthless weasel", said Reilly, "but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that even he was capable of such wholesale destruction of this museum's good name and reputation".

Mr. Reilly immediately called an emergency meeting of the Board of Directors for that afternoon and retired to his spacious office to wait, to sit and think, to meditate, to try to come to grips... with betrayal... with greed... with sacrificing all of ones principles to fleeting commercial interests. After what seemed like hours, endlessly going round and round the same circles in his mind, lost in thought, the Executive Director came to. He sat up in his chair weary and exhausted and reached for the keyboard. He was too tired, it was too far to walk to the gallery -- but he knew he must return to the art -- to the source of his strength, to the inspiration of the MOBA paintings themselves. He typed in the address Of MOBA's website and held his breath waiting for the first page to be displayed. It would only be a moment until he gazed at "Lucy in the Field With Flower's" calming scowl.

As the MOBA home page came up on his screen, his world exploded. There on the top of the MOBA web page was a flashing "banner" advertisement selling who knows what. He went from page to page, gallery to gallery on the website -- every single page had relentless flashing banner ads selling a different item every minute -- a never ending parade of billboards constructed within the very walls of the MOBA on-line galleries.

He picked up the phone, and called Steve Provoyeur, MOBA's Director of Global Communication -- "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that", said Provoyeur, "Pretty cool huh?"

The Executive Director hung up the phone, stumbled out of the office and down the hall to the waiting Board Room. As he walked into the room, he took a deep breath, pulled himself together and began to address the assembled board. In a few short minutes he delivered a concise summary of the grave situation -- he described the details of the Esteemed Curator's radio ad and the web page banner ads that littered the on-line galleries. As he finished, a stunned silence fell over the room. After what seemed like minutes, one of the board members cleared his throat and said "I'm not sure that I follow all of the details of what you're describing -- but if I may summarize, you mean they're paying money for this?"

Another board member chimed in "if they're paying Wilson, do you think the rest of us could get in on this?". As the possibilities opened up before them Mr. Reilly for the first time began to see the larger picture. He suddenly realized that yes, he had a good "radio voice" himself... and a commanding television presence... and there was the future of the museum to think of. "I'm sure there are many better advertisers that would be willing to pay far more then Cellular One", said the Executive Director. "What about the tobacco companies?" said Reilly. "We could commission a really bad painting of Joe Camel". "How about the Colombian cocaine cartel?" said another board member, "they've got no national outlet for their advertising.

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NEW ACQUISITIONS

Any Fruit in a Storm
Acrylic on Canvas by TNASTRII

Fruit tumbles out of a linen cloth at the top of a stockade fence while the sky above is ripped asunder by violent lightening. This work is the first truly surreal approach to still life to enter the MOBA Permanent collection.

The generosity of William Simpson of Michigan knows no bounds. This truly selfless individual donated six works by "Rosemarie" which showed the variety and depth of the painters competence and ambition in all genres. Three wildly diverse works from this eclectic artist were accepted into the permanent collection:

Portrait of a Man With Large Ears
This endearing and engaging work conjures up visions of a forgotten third party presidential candidate. It's construction, adds to the oval (sort of) shaped work. A rectangular portrait appears to have been cut from an art board with a dull, possibly plastic, scissors after the portrait was completed.

Study in Blue White and Gray
Two almost horizontal stripes slash their way across a silver gray background. This would clearly have been a winner at MOBA's "I Cant Even Draw a Straight Line Contest" held two years ago. Both the wavering lines and the reckless application of paint, speak volumes about the artist's disdain for pure, antiseptic geometry.

Wine and Ham
This compelling still life is an arresting experiment in cognitive dissonance. The conflict between the wine and ham clearly depicted in the work and the blood red text "Bread and Wine" on the canvas, makes your brain hurt.

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FROM THE MAILROOM

Dear MOBA,

I just spent the last half an hour having to swab my chair down after the first loss of bladder control I have suffered in 30 years, directly occasioned by visiting your so-called 'website'. The smell will not go away, and I am afraid that I shall have to take the matter to my solicitors. See you in court.

Ralph de Rijke
Amsterdam

Dear Mr. de Rijke,

Thank you for your kind words and unveiled threats. May I suggest a product called Odor Gun. This usually does the trick and may be cheaper than legal fees.

Looking forward to seeing you in court.

Sincerely
Marie Jackson
Director of Aesthetic Interpretation
Museum Of Bad Art
"Art too bad to be ignored"
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Dear Web Master/Mistress,

I was shocked, appalled, horrified, disappointed, surprised and outraged to find that our museum was not listed on Boston.com's list of art museums at http://boston.com/goingout/activities/museumsboston.shtml.

I'm quite certain that the omission of one of Boston's major cultural institutions from the list is as embarrassing to you as it was startling to me -- on the order of forgetting to write a story about the Red Sox on a day that they won the World Series.

Rest assured though that we'll just keep this between you and me. A quick edit and no one will be the wiser.

Yours in a conspiracy of silence,
Jerry Reilly Executive Director
Museum Of Bad Art
"Art too bad to be ignored"

p.s. You also seemed to have missed another of Boston's art museums -- The Museum of Fine Art. While this is perhaps not quite as glaring an oversight as missing MOBA -- they probably should also be included for completeness' sake.

Ever helpfully yours,
Jerry Reilly Executive Director
Museum Of Bad Art
"Art too bad to be ignored"


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MOBA ACQUISITIONS DEPT. DUPED

The MOBA Acquisition Dept. received a phone call a few weeks ago from the proprietor of a commercial self storage facility in Eastham MA. She explained that quite often they must deal with abandoned property and that after running advertisements and going through a legal process they either auction the goods or cart them off to the dump. At the moment, she explained, they have two storage units full of abandoned paintings. While she was no art expert, she thought that they might be MOBA quality paintings.

The Acquisitions Dept. staff was thrilled at the possibility of a large "strike" and immediately made plans to make the trek to Eastham. Upon arriving at the facility and inspecting the 60 -- 70 paintings, they were sadly disappointed to find that there was not a single work that came close to meeting MOBA's exacting standards. In fact, the staff was dispirited to find that most of the work was quite good. They politely declined to take possession of the paintings and bid the staff of the storage facility farewell.

On the long ride back to Boston, the Acquisitions Dept. talked at great length about the incident. The more they talked the more horrified they became that what appeared to be the life work of a talented artist was in imminent danger of being unceremoniously plowed under in a dump. While inspecting the work they had come across the artist's name -- and various clues that indicated that he was from Provincetown MA -- a few miles down the road from the storage facility.

Upon arriving back at the office, one of the staff members took it upon himself to contact the Provincetown Art Association, tell them the tale and inquire if they had ever heard of this artist. The PAA staffer gasped upon hearing the name and said that he was one of the most well known and well respected artists from Provincetown. He had died some number of years ago but his family still lived in Provincetown. She was quite upset that this could be happening and promised the MOBA staffer that she would look into it immediately and make sure that the paintings were not destroyed.

Twenty minutes later, an obviously agitated member of the artist's family called MOBA World Headquarters wanting to know all of the details of our dealings with the storage facility. After angry talk of lawyers and insults about the proprietor of the storage facility he eventually got around to thanking MOBA for heading off this disaster in the making.

Upon getting off the phone, the MOBA staffer realized that something about this whole situation was beginning to sound suspicious. He called the storage facility again, introduced himself as being from MOBA and asked the employee if they knew the artist's son. "Oh yes", they assured him, "we know his son very well".

The Acquisitions Dept. had wasted a great deal of time on this entire situation and come up empty handed. Though they were relieved to know that they may have helped save the paintings, their biggest satisfaction came in imagining the artist's family and the storage facility resuming their ongoing feud with their opponents who they so rightly seemed to deserve.

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MOBA CALENDARS

Many Friends Of MOBA have recently inquired about the availability of a new MOBA Calendar for 1999. The production of a MOBA Calendar is a laborious and time consuming undertaking, taking nearly two years to complete each one year calendar. The Calendar Production Dept. staff has always prided itself on the quality of it's work and refuses to sacrifice the quality of it's product on the altar of the calendar world's arbitrary annual schedule. The Calendar staff has been working overtime for the last year and will continue on through the next to bring you a quality MOBA Calendar For The Millennium.

In the meantime, for 1999, consider following the suggestion of Friend Of MOBA, Ms. M. Stewart.

May I suggest that you hold onto your 1998 MOBA Calendar. On January 1, search Buck a Book for a calendar with the same size layout on the unimportant calendar pages. Snip these with scissors and with a liberal amount of Elmer's Glue, attach the 1999 calendar blanks in position so that they do not obscure the "detail" on the calendar page of your 1998 MOBA Calendar. Using a shower squeegee and a natural sponge, smooth the page and wipe the excess Elmer's from the edges. Allow the pages to dry, one month at a time and enjoy your own creativity with your new 1999 calendar.

The MOBA Board of Directors extends their thanks to Ms. M Stewart for inspiring a sticky solution to an otherwise insoluble problem.

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VACATION IS COMING

Time to prepare for your next vacation with MOBA Postcards. Why disrupt the pleasures of your next vacation with the chore of writing postcards. MOBA Postcards are perfect mementos from any vacation and are conveniently available before you leave home. These beautiful reproductions Of MOBA paintings are sure to inspire tales of beautiful weather and exciting adventures before you ever experience them.

To order these or any other items from the ever expanding line of 100% genuine MOBA products, contact Backyard Computing at (617) 444-6757 and ask for a catalog or visit the Gift Shop on MOBA's website (see below)

*** VISA and Mastercard wantonly accepted ***

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SUBSCRIBE TO THE MOBA NEWS

If you have any friends, relatives, neighbors etc. who are suitable candidates to become Friends Of MOBA -- send us their email address and we will begin the arduous induction process immediately.

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MOBA's Permanent Gallery

MOBA's Permanent Gallery is conveniently located 8 miles south of downtown Boston in the basement of the Dedham Community Theater, 580 High St, Dedham MA. The current exhibition "More Bad Art" features thirty recent acquisitions spanning the full range of the MOBA Permanent Collection.

Gallery opening hours are 6:30-10pm during the week and 1:30-10pm on weekends and holidays.

Admission to MOBA is always free, with steep discounts for children, senior citizens, local residents.





 

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